The Powerpoint Pitch: Wake me up in ten minutes

I like Apple’s marketing.  It’s great.

(Do I still have your attention? Bear with me on this)

But their runaway success has a down side (not for Apple).

The (very) big downside is the Powerpoint slide that looks a bit like this:

You’ve seen it before right?  Wrong.  I knocked this out 30 seconds ago.  But one’s like this are used in nearly every presentation given by creative agencies and design teams trying to make a point.

OMG!  Wake me up ten minutes into the pitch or presentation when you’ve got to the bit when you demonstrate your own creative thinking you me-to-wannabe-good-for-nothing-look-a-like-creative-agency-of-little-distinction.

Arrrgggghhhhh.

Do people fall for this?

Filed under: Apple, Branding, Business, Design, Fun, Ideas and Riffs, Media, Strategy, ideas, marketing, technology , Apple, Ctreative Pitch, Powerpoint

Please help

Sport Relief

(I should apologise for bringing you here by illicit categorisation and tagging, but I won’t. You might have wasted just 10 seconds. Hopefully you will make the choice to change someone’s world in less than a minute).

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When is your next Grand Opening?

I was recently invited to Apple’s store opening in Milton Keynes.

It got me thinking. 
If you are a technology business professional there is no reason why you can’t put on a “Grand Opening” the next time there is a new office, or an “Open Day” when a new Service is launched, or a “Country Tour” when a new product is launched.

Invite your prospects.  Invite your customers.  Get them to mix together and bring their curiosity, experiences, enthusiasm and orientation – it can be the best thing you can associate yourselves with.

If you are a software, hardware or IT Services marketing professional setting up a place to test-drive, experience or catch a free workshop is a golden opportunity.  And add a sprinkle of peer group – more’s the better.

All that said though – I would definitely advise laying on qualified ‘concierge’ staff (in easily spotted attire, a branded polo shirt will do), to provide hints and tips and a guide to everything.

In an era of web 2.0 (and 3.0), of new marketing techniques and new thinking generally – ‘old’ thinking and ‘traditional’ techniques still bear fruit for the lead oriented marketer.

Filed under: 2.0, Advertising, Apple, Business, Buzz, Events, Strategy, ideas, marketing, technology , Apple, Country Tour, Grand Opening, open day, traditional marketing, web 2.0, web 3.0

I’d love the iPhone even if I wasn’t a stealth marketing parody

Like you, I’m bombarded every minute, of every day, with advertising. And having been misled more than a few times in my life, I’m immediately skeptical of any gadget or IT product I see on the back of a magazine or in a WAGs handbag. That’s why I was so surprised by the new Apple iPhone.

It truly lives up to the hype: Clean lines and crisp design, refreshingly quick web connection and crystal clear voice calls, it reminds my jaded ears how good a phone can be. Sure, I may not be a stealth marketer employed by an international conglomerate to imperceptibly push the product in public, but this gadget is so unbelievably great, I subliminally market it to perfect strangers for free!

Honestly, this awesome slice of history packs such a social punch, you’d practically have to pay me not to pretend to talk about it (even when I’m using it), whilst I’m in earshot of consumers in the coveted 17-34 demographic.

I’m not required by a sponsor to walk down Oxford Street while emitting a quiet but distinct “All right!” under my breath – just loud enough for the other potential customers to hear – but I do it anyway – just for the pleasure of furtively turning people on to this amazing 8th wonder of the world.

In stealth-marketing parlance, this is what is known as “grooming,” but I prefer to call it “the least I can do.”

Seriously, it’s an honour to subtly plug something I actually believe in for once. I’m so in love with this thingamajig, that I want to shout its name from the rooftops, on Tower Bridge and on the busy commuter train that is 23 minutes late. Its a busy train too, where consumers are sat still enough for brand loyalty to be wedged into their head without fail. I know it sounds crazy, maybe even a little scary, but honestly, the iPhone is just that good. How cool am I?

Don’t tell anyone, but I enjoy the iPhone so much, I sometimes stealth market it well outside the target demographic. Maybe it’s wrong of me to sit in the Oxford Town Bowls club transit van as they leave for the Devon away leg, chatting away to no-one on the other end of the line, or tipping it from side to side? But the rush I get from inconspicuously getting the word out about this tremendous new product is nearly impossible to find anywhere else. Come to think of it, the only other time I experience pure exhilaration like that is when I lift the lid and fire up the Mac Book Pro. Or listening to my iPod Nano. Or flirting about with Mac OS X v10.5.

Sure, the task of registering for nearly 30 different newsgroup accounts using fake names and e-mail addresses just to generate the honest word-of-mouth buzz this product deserves may sound like a lot of work to you, one of the few Brits who hasn’t been bowled over by the no-holds-barred brilliance of the iPhone.

Come to think of it, if I were hired to viral market a new phone I wasn’t particularly passionate about – for example a new phone with Microsoft Office whatsitcalled on it – I would just subliminally insert favourable comments in two dozen or so high-traffic chat rooms and be done with it. Maybe post a youtube video or two and kick start the conversation with a few dummy posts.

No, only a very special product could make me devote a week of evenings to surfing literally hundreds of chat rooms, gaining the confidence of unwitting users by establishing a base of common interests before casually mentioning how I recently tried the most hardcore, design-led, pick-a-chick-up phone the world has ever seen.

But hey, don’t let me influence you. Try the iPhone for yourself. If only the dating process was as impressively simple. Gotta go. Must post a new photo of me and my phone out and about, on Facebook.

Filed under: Apple, Blogging, Buzz, Design, Fun, Microsoft, User Generated Content, ideas, marketing , , Apple, Blog, iPhone, Joke, Parody, stealth marketing

How Apple creates loyal customers

Inside CRM editors have listed 12 effective strategies that Apple uses to create loyal customers.

In essence ‘complete solutions’, ‘familiar formats’ and the ‘cool factor’, keep customers coming back – but the full list is worth reading.

Filed under: Apple, Branding, CRM, Cool, Customer service, marketing

Apple does ‘remarkable’ in 449 words

To all iPhone customers:

I have received hundreds of emails from iPhone customers who are upset about Apple dropping the price of iPhone by $200 two months after it went on sale. After reading every one of these emails, I have some observations and conclusions.

First, I am sure that we are making the correct decision to lower the price of the 8GB iPhone from $599 to $399, and that now is the right time to do it. iPhone is a breakthrough product, and we have the chance to ‘go for it’ this holiday season. iPhone is so far ahead of the competition, and now it will be affordable by even more customers. It benefits both Apple and every iPhone user to get as many new customers as possible in the iPhone ‘tent’. We strongly believe the $399 price will help us do just that this holiday season.

Second, being in technology for 30+ years I can attest to the fact that the technology road is bumpy. There is always change and improvement, and there is always someone who bought a product before a particular cutoff date and misses the new price or the new operating system or the new whatever. This is life in the technology lane. If you always wait for the next price cut or to buy the new improved model, you’ll never buy any technology product because there is always something better and less expensive on the horizon. The good news is that if you buy products from companies that support them well, like Apple tries to do, you will receive years of useful and satisfying service from them even as newer models are introduced.

Third, even though we are making the right decision to lower the price of iPhone, and even though the technology road is bumpy, we need to do a better job taking care of our early iPhone customers as we aggressively go after new ones with a lower price. Our early customers trusted us, and we must live up to that trust with our actions in moments like these.

Therefore, we have decided to offer every iPhone customer who purchased an iPhone from either Apple or AT&T, and who is not receiving a rebate or any other consideration, a $100 store credit towards the purchase of any product at an Apple Retail Store or the Apple Online Store. Details are still being worked out and will be posted on Apple’s website next week. Stay tuned.

We want to do the right thing for our valued iPhone customers. We apologize for disappointing some of you, and we are doing our best to live up to your high expectations of Apple.

Steve Jobs
Apple CEO

Filed under: Apple, Remarkable, Strategy, marketing

Remarkable

These are remarkable.

I am not an iPhone fan based on what I have seen to date.

But I am very jealous that my phone doesn’t have a wooden cover add-on.

Filed under: Apple, Buzz, Mobile, Remarkable, marketing

Mac or PC?

Here’s something for your weekend viewing pleasure.

Hat tip to Miguel Umanzor from thewayiseetheworld.  What a great spoof.

With viewing figures down around their ankles, MTV might be better off playing the odd curveball video like this….

Filed under: Apple, Fun, Mac, Microsoft, Music, Online Video, PC, Viral