The Powerpoint Pitch: Wake me up in ten minutes

I like Apple’s marketing.  It’s great.

(Do I still have your attention? Bear with me on this)

But their runaway success has a down side (not for Apple).

The (very) big downside is the Powerpoint slide that looks a bit like this:

You’ve seen it before right?  Wrong.  I knocked this out 30 seconds ago.  But one’s like this are used in nearly every presentation given by creative agencies and design teams trying to make a point.

OMG!  Wake me up ten minutes into the pitch or presentation when you’ve got to the bit when you demonstrate your own creative thinking you me-to-wannabe-good-for-nothing-look-a-like-creative-agency-of-little-distinction.

Arrrgggghhhhh.

Do people fall for this?

When is your next Grand Opening?

I was recently invited to Apple’s store opening in Milton Keynes.

It got me thinking. 
If you are a technology business professional there is no reason why you can’t put on a “Grand Opening” the next time there is a new office, or an “Open Day” when a new Service is launched, or a “Country Tour” when a new product is launched.

Invite your prospects.  Invite your customers.  Get them to mix together and bring their curiosity, experiences, enthusiasm and orientation – it can be the best thing you can associate yourselves with.

If you are a software, hardware or IT Services marketing professional setting up a place to test-drive, experience or catch a free workshop is a golden opportunity.  And add a sprinkle of peer group – more’s the better.

All that said though – I would definitely advise laying on qualified ‘concierge’ staff (in easily spotted attire, a branded polo shirt will do), to provide hints and tips and a guide to everything.

In an era of web 2.0 (and 3.0), of new marketing techniques and new thinking generally – ‘old’ thinking and ‘traditional’ techniques still bear fruit for the lead oriented marketer.

I’d love the iPhone even if I wasn’t a stealth marketing parody

Like you, I’m bombarded every minute, of every day, with advertising. And having been misled more than a few times in my life, I’m immediately skeptical of any gadget or IT product I see on the back of a magazine or in a WAGs handbag. That’s why I was so surprised by the new Apple iPhone.

It truly lives up to the hype: Clean lines and crisp design, refreshingly quick web connection and crystal clear voice calls, it reminds my jaded ears how good a phone can be. Sure, I may not be a stealth marketer employed by an international conglomerate to imperceptibly push the product in public, but this gadget is so unbelievably great, I subliminally market it to perfect strangers for free!

Honestly, this awesome slice of history packs such a social punch, you’d practically have to pay me not to pretend to talk about it (even when I’m using it), whilst I’m in earshot of consumers in the coveted 17-34 demographic.

I’m not required by a sponsor to walk down Oxford Street while emitting a quiet but distinct “All right!” under my breath – just loud enough for the other potential customers to hear – but I do it anyway – just for the pleasure of furtively turning people on to this amazing 8th wonder of the world.

In stealth-marketing parlance, this is what is known as “grooming,” but I prefer to call it “the least I can do.”

Seriously, it’s an honour to subtly plug something I actually believe in for once. I’m so in love with this thingamajig, that I want to shout its name from the rooftops, on Tower Bridge and on the busy commuter train that is 23 minutes late. Its a busy train too, where consumers are sat still enough for brand loyalty to be wedged into their head without fail. I know it sounds crazy, maybe even a little scary, but honestly, the iPhone is just that good. How cool am I?

Don’t tell anyone, but I enjoy the iPhone so much, I sometimes stealth market it well outside the target demographic. Maybe it’s wrong of me to sit in the Oxford Town Bowls club transit van as they leave for the Devon away leg, chatting away to no-one on the other end of the line, or tipping it from side to side? But the rush I get from inconspicuously getting the word out about this tremendous new product is nearly impossible to find anywhere else. Come to think of it, the only other time I experience pure exhilaration like that is when I lift the lid and fire up the Mac Book Pro. Or listening to my iPod Nano. Or flirting about with Mac OS X v10.5.

Sure, the task of registering for nearly 30 different newsgroup accounts using fake names and e-mail addresses just to generate the honest word-of-mouth buzz this product deserves may sound like a lot of work to you, one of the few Brits who hasn’t been bowled over by the no-holds-barred brilliance of the iPhone.

Come to think of it, if I were hired to viral market a new phone I wasn’t particularly passionate about – for example a new phone with Microsoft Office whatsitcalled on it – I would just subliminally insert favourable comments in two dozen or so high-traffic chat rooms and be done with it. Maybe post a youtube video or two and kick start the conversation with a few dummy posts.

No, only a very special product could make me devote a week of evenings to surfing literally hundreds of chat rooms, gaining the confidence of unwitting users by establishing a base of common interests before casually mentioning how I recently tried the most hardcore, design-led, pick-a-chick-up phone the world has ever seen.

But hey, don’t let me influence you. Try the iPhone for yourself. If only the dating process was as impressively simple. Gotta go. Must post a new photo of me and my phone out and about, on Facebook.